Negotiation Tip of the Month by Allan Stitt
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July 2008
Sometimes we forget that many of our conversations with family members are negotiations. We are trying to persuade them and they’re trying to persuade us. We might negotiate about whether or where we go to dinner, who takes out the garbage, when the children go to bed or where we’re going to live. Effective negotiators, the people who have the tools that let them persuade, are effective both at work AND at home. One of the tools that effective negotiators use is that they consult before deciding. People don’t often like or appreciate it if others make decisions for them. This is true even if the decision is a good one. If you consult with people before you make your decision, they’ll feel that their voice has been heard and they’ll be more likely to accept the final decision.
June 2008
A good negotiator is a creative one. We need to find creative solutions to problems so that we don’t get locked in a fixed-sum negotiation. But how can we be more creative? One idea is to have a brainstorming session in your negotiation where all involved try to come up with creative ideas. Brainstorming works best when you employ two ground rules: first, no criticism of the options that are being generated; second, no commitment to the options – they are options, not offers. If we free ourselves from having to worry about whether an option is a good one, we’re more likely to come up with creative options.
May 2008
The word ‘but’ is the great eraser in a negotiation. It erases everything good that you said before the ‘but’. If I say to you, ‘you have a good point but you’re wrong’, you’re more likely to focus on the second part of what I said (the ‘you’re wrong’ part), and miss the fact that I said you have a good point. When we use the word ‘but’ in the middle of a sentence, we can lose the good things we’ve said before the ‘but’. If you can restructure your sentence and use the word ‘and’ instead of ‘but’, it can often help. For example, if I had said, ‘you make a good point and we also have to look at some of the difficulties we’ll encounter if we go down that path’, that would have been a lot easier to hear.
April 2008
When we have something important to say, it dominates our thoughts and we feel a strong need to get it out. Unfortunately, the impact on others can be that they see us as pushy and unwilling to listen. When we listen to others first, they are more likely to want to listen to us. If we can take the time early in a negotiation to show others that we’re listening to them and THEN put forward our ideas, they’ll be more likely to hear our ideas.
March 2008
“Why” is the most important question in a negotiation. It gets us information about other peoples’ interests, wants and needs. The more information we have, the more likely we’ll be able to find a solution that works for us and for the other side. It’s hard to ask too many questions; we often ask too few. We are sometimes so focused on getting our point across that we don’t take the time to learn the information that we need to know in order to reach an agreement. We make wrong assumptions and get bogged down in time-wasting and unnecessary debates. Remember that we have two ears and one mouth and should use them in proportion!
February 2008
People often start a negotiation with their position. Your position is what you think the final result should be. The obvious rhetorical question is, should we really start a negotiation at the end, with the result, or should we work our way to a result and come up with a position later in the negotiation?
If we take the time to hear other peoples’ ideas, find out about their interests and learn what’s important to them, we’re more likely to craft an answer (a position) that they will find acceptable. If we lock ourselves into a position early in the negotiation, we may find ourselves arguing over positions rather than searching for good answers.
January 2008
Sometimes you have to negotiate with someone who seems to have all of the power; for example, you may have to negotiate with your boss. That doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do. We all have the power to be more persuasive negotiators and use techniques that will cause others to do things that we want them to do. For example, when you’re negotiating with your boss, you can refer to objective criteria or standards of fairness as a way to persuade. Everyone likes to think that they’re being fair and if your boss sees that he or she is not being fair, they may change their approach.
December 2007
What is power in negotiation and how do you address a power imbalance? A common concept of power is that people have power in a negotiation if their walk-away alternative is really good. If you want to improve your power, therefore, you need to find a way to improve the situation if you walk away. Take some time before the negotiation to consider the possible consequences of not reaching a deal, and see if you can make the situation better for you. If you do that, you’ll feel a lot more powerful in the negotiation.
July 2008
Sometimes we forget that many of our conversations with family members are negotiations. We are trying to persuade them and they’re trying to persuade us. We might negotiate about whether or where we go to dinner, who takes out the garbage, when the children go to bed or where we’re going to live. Effective negotiators, the people who have the tools that let them persuade, are effective both at work AND at home. One of the tools that effective negotiators use is that they consult before deciding. People don’t often like or appreciate it if others make decisions for them. This is true even if the decision is a good one. If you consult with people before you make your decision, they’ll feel that their voice has been heard and they’ll be more likely to accept the final decision.
June 2008
A good negotiator is a creative one. We need to find creative solutions to problems so that we don’t get locked in a fixed-sum negotiation. But how can we be more creative? One idea is to have a brainstorming session in your negotiation where all involved try to come up with creative ideas. Brainstorming works best when you employ two ground rules: first, no criticism of the options that are being generated; second, no commitment to the options – they are options, not offers. If we free ourselves from having to worry about whether an option is a good one, we’re more likely to come up with creative options.
May 2008
The word ‘but’ is the great eraser in a negotiation. It erases everything good that you said before the ‘but’. If I say to you, ‘you have a good point but you’re wrong’, you’re more likely to focus on the second part of what I said (the ‘you’re wrong’ part), and miss the fact that I said you have a good point. When we use the word ‘but’ in the middle of a sentence, we can lose the good things we’ve said before the ‘but’. If you can restructure your sentence and use the word ‘and’ instead of ‘but’, it can often help. For example, if I had said, ‘you make a good point and we also have to look at some of the difficulties we’ll encounter if we go down that path’, that would have been a lot easier to hear.
April 2008
When we have something important to say, it dominates our thoughts and we feel a strong need to get it out. Unfortunately, the impact on others can be that they see us as pushy and unwilling to listen. When we listen to others first, they are more likely to want to listen to us. If we can take the time early in a negotiation to show others that we’re listening to them and THEN put forward our ideas, they’ll be more likely to hear our ideas.
March 2008
“Why” is the most important question in a negotiation. It gets us information about other peoples’ interests, wants and needs. The more information we have, the more likely we’ll be able to find a solution that works for us and for the other side. It’s hard to ask too many questions; we often ask too few. We are sometimes so focused on getting our point across that we don’t take the time to learn the information that we need to know in order to reach an agreement. We make wrong assumptions and get bogged down in time-wasting and unnecessary debates. Remember that we have two ears and one mouth and should use them in proportion!
February 2008
People often start a negotiation with their position. Your position is what you think the final result should be. The obvious rhetorical question is, should we really start a negotiation at the end, with the result, or should we work our way to a result and come up with a position later in the negotiation?
If we take the time to hear other peoples’ ideas, find out about their interests and learn what’s important to them, we’re more likely to craft an answer (a position) that they will find acceptable. If we lock ourselves into a position early in the negotiation, we may find ourselves arguing over positions rather than searching for good answers.
January 2008
Sometimes you have to negotiate with someone who seems to have all of the power; for example, you may have to negotiate with your boss. That doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do. We all have the power to be more persuasive negotiators and use techniques that will cause others to do things that we want them to do. For example, when you’re negotiating with your boss, you can refer to objective criteria or standards of fairness as a way to persuade. Everyone likes to think that they’re being fair and if your boss sees that he or she is not being fair, they may change their approach.
December 2007
What is power in negotiation and how do you address a power imbalance? A common concept of power is that people have power in a negotiation if their walk-away alternative is really good. If you want to improve your power, therefore, you need to find a way to improve the situation if you walk away. Take some time before the negotiation to consider the possible consequences of not reaching a deal, and see if you can make the situation better for you. If you do that, you’ll feel a lot more powerful in the negotiation.
